A Nervous Girl in Paris

(Written for MA)

Somewhere between the Louvre and the Eiffel tower, I found myself pondering life’s biggest questions. Will I ever find the one? What is the meaning of life? Where will I stop to buy another croissant? I found the latter far more pressing than the first two…..

When it comes to travelling, more millennials are choosing to go the distance. Not only experiencing new cultures and new sights but doing it in their own company.

I somehow felt that I was missing out.

For years, my anxiety kept me from booking any trip on my own. The thought of being in a foreign country, without anyone else, terrified me. It had even kept me from going on an Erasmus, something I still regret today.

That all changed when I decided to move to London, I was finally in a situation where I had no friends or family. I was out of my comfort zone.

I have been fortunate enough to travel to many places before, but never in my own company. Always with friends or family to rely on, but now it was up to myself to settle any anxiety.

Paris was an appealing destination, having not visited since the age of ten. I was desperate to see the museums and artwork that my parents never had the patience to bring me to.

The first few hours of travelling alone were the hardest. The fear started on the Eurostar, among the queues and passport control, I felt my breath become shorter, my heart beating hard beneath my flesh. It started to set in that I was on my own with no one to fall back on.

…….

Stepping out of the metro, dragging my wheelie bag up the stairs, I felt relaxed. I saw the Parisian architecture I had once dreamt about.

My heart palpitations slowed.

Looking up, I could see the bright blue skyline and beautiful architecture. The French balconies, with the smell of fresh pastries flowing through the streets. I remembered why I was here. I was in Paris, what could possibly go wrong?

To prepare for my anxiety that may arise during my 48 hours, I planned and strategized my trip to the best of my ability. But as many people know, this can be incredibly difficult to do.

My anxiety manifests itself through different forms. Panic attacks, when I can’t breathe and hyperventilate, and paranoia about what others think of me.

In the past, my therapist had also told me I had a tendency to catastrophise. Taking any situation, good or bad, and thinking up the worst possible outcome.

You can understand my reservations.

I was not entirely sure how I would deal with this on my own, especially in a foreign country. Usually, I’m in the comfort of my own home or with someone else when anything happens.

My French was rusty too. I had not uttered a word since the age of 19. If I was going to have an anxiety attack may be learning the phrase “I’m having an anxiety attack please help me!” would help? But did Parisians even talk about mental health openly?

After settling in the first night I tried to plan the next day. Planning was a good distraction. Without structure is when my anxiety is at its worse.

On Saturday I realised why French people are so slim. Apart from the metro, and deathly electric scooters, it seemed that walking was the best way to get around. Excluding museums, most buildings don’t have elevators, great for your glutes and working off all the croissants and pastries.

Strolling through the Parisian streets, early in the morning, distracted me from any bad vibes I previously had. There were few people and any signs of clouds had been swept away. The sun appeared above and between the historical architecture, leading me towards the Louvre.

But I felt an overwhelming sense of hunger I couldn’t ignore. Annoyingly, I am one of those people that can never skip a meal. If I do it often results in a hangry state that I always try and avoid.

I knew that my hunger was inevitable, but I wanted to avoid the awkward interaction of ordering food, especially with my poor French-speaking abilities.

As I mentioned, I had not spoken a word of French in several years. But somehow I memorised the phrases ‘without dairy’ and ‘almond milk’. Bloody vegans. Luckily enough the French waitress recognised my bad accent and replied to me in English. I had avoided any more butchering of the French language.

As I sat on my own in the boulangerie I realised it wasn’t much different to being alone in London, or in Dublin, or being in an airport on your own. Why was I so afraid of what others would think. Why was the concept of sitting alone so fear-inducing?

Eventually reaching the Louvre, I spent the rest of the morning exploring and roaming through the museum.

I probably won’t be the first to tell you that the Mona Lisa is not that spectacular. It’s incredibly hard to see amongst all the selfie sticks flying up in the air. I had to push my way to the front and contain my disbelief as I watched other tourists taking selfies with the beloved portrait.

Don’t go just for the Mona Lisa, it’s not worth all the walking. There are some amazing French paintings such as Liberty Leading the People and many Greek and Roman sculptures. It would take you hours to see everything and I was only there for two.

I thought about putting my earphones in to discourage any paranoia as music usually settles me. But I wanted to be present, to use all my senses, and experience and appreciate the artwork I had spent so many years studying and seeing through others.

To my surprise, being in the museums was when I felt most at ease. The Louvre and the Musée D’orsey were both filled with the artwork I had studied and spent many years viewing through textbooks and art history lessons in school.

To see it, right in front of me, was an experience I never knew needed to be felt.

On Sunday, I took my beret and, on the recommendation of friends, walked through the streets of Le Marais. This was paradise. I had woken up that morning slightly exhausted after sightseeing from the previous day. Sometimes when I’m tired my anxiety can worsen, but I copied my previous routine of walking and planning. I was too distracted by my camera, trying my best to capture the life of Parisians on a Sunday. 

Sitting in the Place des Vosges, listening to the distant sound of buskers and Parisians conversing, I was finally at peace with my inner thoughts.

When it comes to anxiety, little can be done to control it. Peaceful moments, while hard to obtain, can be achieved. I don’t think I will ever stop being anxious, but never again will I let it stop me from achieving my dreams.

How to be REALISTICALLY sustainable

(Written for Feature Journalism module)

There are heatwaves in February and October. Snowstorms in late March. A 16-year old Swedish girl, named Greta Thunberg, is more influential on Climate Change than most politicians. Everything is not fine. The world is in danger and we are to blame. Through our own disregard of pollution and waste, we have all contributed to the Earth’s destruction.

Climate change is the changing of weather caused by the emission of greenhouse gasses, such as C02. This is produced by the burning of fossil fuels like coal, gas and oil. Who burns these fossil fuels? That’s us.

So how can we stop this pollution? What changes can we make to reduce our own waste to landfills that leads to the emissions of greenhouse gasses?

“It’s all about little steps that add up to bigger change. We don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time. Making gradual switches is a good place to start” says Helen, a 22-year-old student and officer of University College Dublin’s Eco-Society. “Simply buying reusable things like coffee cups, water bottles, grocery bags and metal straws can make a huge difference.”

In a study published in March, it was reported that 300 million tonnes of plastic are produced globally each year. Only 12% of that is recycled, while 25% is entering our oceans. This waste consists of items such as throwaway coffee cups and plastic bottles. In the UK, an estimated seven million coffee cups are used daily, resulting in approximately 2.5 billion being used yearly. With only 1 in 400 of these being recycled effectively.

Reusable coffee cups cost between ten and 20 pounds and are easily purchased online or on the high-street. The same goes for reusable water bottles.

In the UK,  up to 480 water bottles are used per household in a year. Switching could limit that number, and their waste, significantly. If this can’t convince you, consider the expiration date on plastic water bottles. As this is for the plastic rather than the actual liquid….

Coffee shops are now offering incentives for their customers to use reusable cups. Places such as Costa and Starbucks offer 25p off coffee while Pret offers 50p off.

It doesn’t end with swapping out coffee cups and plastic bottles. “For anyone who menstruates, replacing tampons and sanitary pads with moon cups and washable period underwear can divert countless non biodegradable products from landfills. These can last up to 500 years,” says Helen.

On average, people who menstruate spend up to £18,450 on sanitary products in their lifetime. Menstrual cups cost a between 25 and 30 pounds and have an estimated  lifespan of 12 years. Changing would not only limit waste but be considerably more affordable.

Fast Fashion is one of the biggest contributors to landfill waste and pollution. In the UK, two million tonnes of clothing are consumed annually, with 50% destined for landfills. The fashion industry also uses between 1.5 and 2.5 trillion gallons of fresh water each year.

“Fast fashion to me is the process fashion production has become. We used to have two showing seasons at fashion week, now designers are expected to create multiple collections per month,” says Robyn, a 20-year-old fashion communications student at Conde Nast University.  The main contributors are Arcadia, who own Topshop and River Island, and Indatex, who own Zara and H&M.

Realistically, it can be difficult to avoid these shops with their attractive low costs and frequent discounts. But when you begin to factor in the ethical implications of low wages and poor working conditions, the clothing appears less fashionable.

“Clothes can be used as a form of expression. It shows more character and capability to style an outfit in 20 different ways then to buy 20 cheap outfits,” says Robyn. 

It’s about making smart choices and wondering whether you really need to buy a £10 dress from Missguided.

Vintage markets and second-hand stores are great places to find pre-loved clothing items. When disposing of any old clothing, you should donate them to local charity shops, such as Oxfam or Cancer Research, instead of dumping them and adding more to landfills.

Cheap materials like polyester take 200 years to break down. When washed the material releases these tiny microplastic fibres that then end up in the ocean which are then consumed by fish. And who eats the fish? Probably one good reason to change to a vegetarian diet.

Adopting a vegan or vegetarian diet is another way to be sustainable. But transitioning from meat to tofu and dairy to soya cheeses is no easy task.

Maybe take into consideration the implications of the industry. Agriculture uses 70% of all available water. A staggering 9000 litres is used to produce only one pound of meat. The production of meat, milk and eggs also contributes to the emissions of C02.

Going 100% vegan or vegetarian is a huge change. But if everyone were to limit their meat and dairy consumption, even by going meat-free once a week, would benefit the environment.

When considering these changes, it’s important to remember why we need to make them. Without motivation is when we start to fail. Education of such companies and industries is one way to start. Documentaries, like Cowspiracy or The True Cost, are ground-breaking and slightly frightening, but so is the state of the earth. If we do not act fast and efficiently then there will be no turning back.